so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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