So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize