Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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