i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Duck Duck Cougar?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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