Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
