As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
In America we eat man semen.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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