my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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