glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize