oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
