Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
