i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
