Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
