Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
