dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize