I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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