Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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