I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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