Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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