i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
