since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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