there's paper in my vomit.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
