I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
