You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
