Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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