Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
