I just threw up on my dentist
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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