A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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