Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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