I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
