Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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