Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
