In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize