We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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