I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
