i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
