Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize