He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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