Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
