I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
