remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
