he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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