Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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