So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have demons in me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
