this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
