he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
