Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
