i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize