...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cockslap morals
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
