I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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