Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
