omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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