I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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