I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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