I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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