If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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