all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
