it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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