She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
