dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
