No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
