Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
