i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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