I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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