Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
