You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
