You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
