what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
