Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
